In 2001, Janine Adams lost two of her best friends within 10 weeks of each other. Scout, a black standard poodle, was diagnosed with cancer. Although she exceeded expectations and lived for 7 more months, Scout passed away prematurely at the age of 8. The day before Janine was leaving to adopt another young poodle, her other dog, Kramer, was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. Only 3 weeks later, Kramer was gone, too.

For Adams, having two dogs helped ease the pain of loss. “When Scout died, having Kramer there was a huge comfort,” she says. “And having Pip there when Kramer died helped me through that.” She also took great comfort in the support of those around her. “People were making donations [to charities] in honor of Kramer and Scout,” she says. “It was so incredibly nice that people cared that much about my animals and me that they made that donation.”

FEELING YOUR PAIN

Following the loss of a pet, we need to allow ourselves to experience feelings of pain and sorrow, according to Laurel Lagoni. Lagoni is the director of the Argus Institute for Families and Veterinary Medicine at Colorado State University and one of the authors of a groundbreaking textbook on grief and the human–animal bond. The institute was founded 20 years ago to help prepare veterinary professionals to successfully meet the emotional needs of pet-owning families, particularly in times of grief. “As a society, we’re always trying to circumvent the feelings of grief,” she says. “We tell people to keep busy, or we try to cheer people up. But that really prolongs the grief process.”

Lagoni has provided grief education and support for pet owners for 2 decades. With this breadth of experience, she makes several suggestions that others have found helpful in dealing with their own grief.

HELPFUL HINTS FOR EASING YOUR LOSS

Talk through it. “The best thing you can do is find people you can talk to about your pet,” Lagoni says. “Find someone who will allow you to talk at length and reminisce.” Find a support group, or call a hotline—many veterinary schools have them—and take as long as you need.

Address any feelings of guilt. While many people hope their pet will pass quietly in its sleep, it may not happen that way, Lagoni says. As an owner, you may need to face the possibility of euthanasia. Many pet owners struggle with feelings of guilt at having to make that choice for their beloved friend. “Don’t think of it as taking your pet’s life, but see it as a privilege and a gift to spare them from those very hard end stages of the dying process when there’s a lot of pain and suffering,” she says.

Consider a ceremony. Many people find great comfort in gathering with friends and family to remember their cherished pet, either with a ceremony before or during euthanasia, or after the pet has passed on. “A lot of people handle euthanasia as a memorial service or funeral,” Lagoni says. “It’s a time for them to say goodbye and also celebrate the pet’s life. The ceremonies can be gut-wrenching but also very cathartic.”

If you have children, help them with remembrances. Children feel the loss deeply, too. Allow them to talk as much as they need to about their sadness. Giving them the opportunity to do something physically sometimes helps kids work through their pain. Children can draw a picture, make a clay paw print, or release a balloon into the sky for their special pet.

Take your time. It’s important to go at your own pace. Deal with your own grief as long as you need to, and don’t feel rushed to “get over” your sorrow. “Everyone’s grief is an individual process,” Lagoni says. “We all find comfort in different things. If there are muddy foot prints on the back window and fur on the floor, and you’re not ready to give them up yet—then leave them right there.”

Tie up loose ends. If you’re having lingering questions or doubts about how your pet died, make an appointment with your veterinarian to get your questions answered. Don’t leave yourself wondering for years to come—be sure you can move forward without any questions or doubts.

Memorialize your pet. Find a way that is meaningful to you to honor your pet. Planting trees or memorial gardens, volunteering, making a donation to a favorite animal charity, or installing a plaque in the yard are some ways to keep your pet’s memory alive. Among the myriad other options are cremation/memorial urns and placement in a pet cemetery.

GOOD GRIEF

Grief is an active process. It is important to understand that it’s completely normal to mourn the loss of your pet. “You have to realize it’s a significant loss, it’s going to be real, and it’s going to hurt,” Lagoni says. “You have to find ways to cope with it. Don’t ignore it or try to avoid it.” Difficult though it may be, be open to feelings of grief when they occur and take the time to work through your sorrow. And be comforted in the thought that there will come a day when you can remember your friend with fond memories and love from a strong heart.

Do Pets Go To Heaven?  Now There is Evidence You Can Believe In
by Dennis Callen, Fenton, MI:  Miracle Life Publishing Company, 2006,
ISBN 0975387626

This little book answers the question that multitudes have asked, “What happens to my pet when it dies?”  The book was written for people who are not necessarily religious but still have some kind of belief in God. It was written in storybook form to give hope to everyone who loves animals.  The author tells his story along with the story of the creation of animals, their redemption, and why they will go to Heaven along with their people.  Dennis Callen presents what he perceives as biblical proof of animals surviving death and proceeding to the afterlife that will satisfy even the most ardent biblical scholar.

Website: http://www.dopetsgotoheaven.com

If you encounter difficulty accessing this website, please contact the author/publisher at dmcallen2@earthlink.net

All of the books listed below by Mary and Herb Montgomery are available free of charge to pet parents through The Nikki Hospice Foundation for Pets, although donations are always welcome to cover shipping and handling costs.  Requests for books should be sent to info@pethospice.org

Your Aging Pet: Making the Senior Years Healthy and Rewarding
by Mary and Herb Montgomery, Illustrated by Judy King, Minneapolis, MN: Montgomery Press, 1997, ISBN 1-879779-04-8

This book is for those who love their aging animals and want to provide a high quality of life for as long as possible. It works especially well when presented as part of a geriatric assessment on the part of veterinarians. It also reminds people of their vet’s recommendations regarding care of teeth, proper nutrition and planning ahead for the eventual end of life. Furthermore, it includes an “At-Home Checklist” to help people know what to look for between regular checkups. Dr. Tina Ellenbogen, Advisory Board Member of The NHFP, provided professional input for this book.

A Final Act of Caring: Ending the Life of an Animal Friend
by Mary and Herb Montgomery, Illustrated by Judy J. King, Minneapolis, MN: Montgomery Press, 1993, ISBN 1-879779-02-1

This book is for those who are facing the question of whether and/or when to euthanize. This difficult-to-face topic can be so stressful that people forget much of their vet’s guidance and need something to refer to at home. It gently presents information regarding what is involved in euthanasia, encourages people to get all the medical facts from their vet and review their options, and points out how it is up to the individual to make the final decision. It works especially well when presented by veterinarians who have already discussed the euthanasia option with their clients. Dr. Tina Ellenbogen, Advisory Board Member of The NHFP, provided professional input for this book.

Good-bye, My Friend: Grieving the Loss of a Pet
by Mary and Herb Montgomery, Illustrated by Madeline Berglund, Minneapolis, MN: Montgomery Press, 1999, ISBN 1-879779-00-5

This book comforts those who are grieving by acknowledging the need as well as the right to grieve the loss of a pet and by explaining the grieving process and suggesting outlets for grief. It is helpful because people reread sections of the book again and again. It works especially well when the veterinarian fills in and signs the dedication page for the client, and because it is also an ongoing reminder of the veterinary staff’s care and compassion.

Forever in My Heart:  Remembering My Pet’s Life
(A fill-in book for Adults)
by Mary and Herb Montgomery, Minneapolis, MN:  Montgomery Press, 2000, ISBN 1-879779-07-2

This book is a gentle guide for looking back at a pet’s life from the joyful beginning to the sad farewell and to all that lay in between. When finished it becomes a treasury of memories to live on in the heart.

I Remember:  A Book about My Special Pet
(A fill-in book for Children)
by Mary and Herb Montgomery, Minneapolis, MN:  Montgomery Press, 2000, ISBN 1-879779-06-4

To grieve well is to remember well. This book provides space for photos, drawings and written memories. When completed it becomes a cherished record of a child's life shared with a special animal.

AUDIOCASSETTES

Journey Through Pet Loss
by Deborah Antinori, MA, RDT, NCC; ISBN 0-966884-81-7

Journey Through Pet Loss is a soulful outreach to those who lose an animal companion through death or other circumstances. Deborah Antinori has woven a tapestry of personal and therapeutic elements throughout this audio book creating an artful balance between helpful suggestions from her professional experience as a therapist and pet loss counselor, and her personal experience as a pet owner.  A 28-page Pet Loss Resource booklet accompanies the audiobook.

This audiobook won YokoSpirit Publications the 1999 Audie Award in the Best New Publisher category from the Audio Publishers Association at the 1999 BookExpo in Los Angeles.  The Revised Edition 2000 of Journey Through Pet Loss was released at BookExpo in Chicago, June 2-4, 2000, with two very successful signings.

Website: http://www.petlossaudio.com

Book Clearing House
Tel (800) 431-1579